I wanted to write today’s post in hopes it helps someone get out of their own rut! I’ve only ever found myself in a real rut two times in my life. The first was after I graduated college and was working a traditional 8-5 job. Although I loved the people I worked with, the work itself wasn’t fulfilling and after a few months I yearned to find something that would make me money that I was passionate about – hence Youtube! The second rut came a few years after that about 6 months ago. I had been uploading videos to Youtube for a few years and suddenly, what felt like all at once, I felt done. I had no more creative energy to give and anytime I thought about sharing my life I would get a pit at the bottom of my stomach.
I’m honestly not sure where it all stemmed from. I think it was just a combination of becoming a mom to two girls and having that huge life change. When I started my channel I was a completely different person. My focus was all on myself naturally because I had no children and wasn’t married yet. I look back at my old videos and laugh! I did the most ridiculous things like get a boob job (what was I thinking!), spent money on useless things, and was more worried about my image that my heart. Although it pains me to see it all documented on camera in front of thousands of strangers, I’m happy I did it all. Every ‘failure’ or mishap in life makes you the person you were meant to be and I’m forever grateful to my community for going along on this journey of life with me!
I’ve said it before, but the transition from one to two kids was huge for me. I’ve seen many moms say it’s not that big of a change since you already have one child, but it rocked my world. I found myself not wanting to film their lives as much and just be present with them in their toddler years. Also the immense pressure moms deal with emotionally and physically when birthing and raising children in those first few years is a lot. Having to keep up the house while working is a huge feat! I just wanted to crawl in a hole if I’m being honest. Life seemed to be so full on all at once and sharing all of that drained me. I’d talk Doug’s ear off almost daily because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep doing Youtube or if I’d ever get out of this rut.
As of last week, I finally feel like I’ve broke through and I never thought this was possible. It hit me that I needed to put my girls first in everything I do. Not that I wasn’t doing that before, but I needed to give into being a mom fully because that’s where my true joy lies. I asked myself how can I sustain this career while being a present mom (not one on social media 24/7). I didn’t want to rely on sponsorships or long term contracts with brands to help feed my family. Although I love the brands I work with, it’s much more work than it appears. I tried to think of a way to be present with my girls more while still maintaining my career and it hit me! I want to help other women make money for their families particularly with Youtube so they can feel free as well! I started this Facebook group a few months ago and haven’t really known what to do with it until now, so join if this interests you!
Anytime I upload a video about making money online for some reason I get worried people will see it as greedy, but it really has been the absolute best and most life changing thing to happen to our family and it would be the biggest gift I could give any of you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for following with me on this journey. My biggest goal for 2019 is to change as many lives as I can through my content and I’m excited to get started! xx