First off, I’m beyond grateful for all your feedback regarding my last few daily vlogs. I’m always nervous and tend to be in my own head about what type of content I should actually be putting out there and sometimes it’s hard not to feel a certain level of protection about what goes on in my family because I know if I let the opinions of others in, I wouldn’t be mothering the same way as I would without the noise and I want to own this life and make it genuinely my own- the mistakes and triumphs. However I do know that if I don’t show the realness that is my life, I would be living inauthentically. So, here I am, back to vlogging;) 

As you can clearly see from my last few vlogs, this phase of my life (and many others) is rough. These beautifully staged pictures are just what I choose to share and don’t depict the…

No nap that day, trucking all our stuff down a steep hill to get to this little redwood grove, gnats everywhere, Scarlett crying over not being able to eat twigs…

Obviously I DO show a lot of the “struggles” in video form because they are impossible to edit out! But for real, this phase of life is hard! No doubt about it. 

Rather than dwelling on it, I’ve made a conscious effort to lean into every single part. Surrendering to it all. Being vulnerable to the constant changes and leaving cultural conditioning at the door. I want to grow with my child, learning how to be the best mother and person I can be along the way.

To these girls, I am the sun, the moon, and the stars- perfectly imperfect and knowing this enables me to block out all expectations for having everything “perfect”. For a while I was dwelling on having the perfect schedule, perfect career, perfect family, etc. I’ve let it all go because having unrealistic expectations with a baby and a toddler will only make you go mad. 

A few examples of how I was trying desperately to hold onto my very organized life that I had before kids was to…

-hire a nanny so I could work (even though I KNEW deep down I was meant to be raising them full time)

-working from 8-11pm+ on my businesses (Doug doing the same) and being seriously sleep deprived

-not prioritizing date night or just time alone without the kids

-doing everything in my power to help Annabelle take her naps so she would be a pleasant child to be around at the end of the day (at the cost of my sanity aka driving for 45 min)

-feeling let down because I never do things on my unrealistic timeline

Instead of being SO hard on myself, I’m now leaning into the only thing that matters – them. Now I’m…

-taking time for myself weekly to recharge and “fill my cup” (a phrase I used to think didn’t apply to me, ha.)

-prioritizing my marriage over growing our business and securing our future (there will always be time to make $$)

-changing the nanny’s hours from “working hours” to “date night hours” once a week for three hours

-ASKING for help. Asking my mom and dad if I can bring the girls over so they can lend a hand. 

I’m realizing that being a mom is an around the clock job and it’s so difficult to give your all to every area of your life when your children demand so much. It’s just not possible. So, I’m letting go of my timeline for our life, letting go of societal pressure, and letting go of where I think I need to be to just….be present with them more. It’s hard for me because my personality is always go-go-go!! BUT I know that’s not what my girls need. They need me to slow down and appreciate the little things of life so that’s just what I’ll do! Instead of losing myself in motherhood, I want to find myself, rising strong and embracing the little moments.

Instead of stressing this shoot and jam packing 10 things to do in one day, we focused on having a whimsical tea party in a nearby forest, which ended up being so fun! Annabelle was so excited to wear her new party dress, headband, and shoes from Chasing Fireflies and Scarlett had one to compliment! Chasing Fireflies is the perfect place to find party dresses, play clothes and one of a kind costumes. They also have costumes for imaginative dress-up play (not to mention Halloween!) for babies, kids and adults as well as an affordable clothing collection for little ones under the Chasing Fireflies brand. Check it out here! 

*A big thank you to Chasing Fireflies for sponsoring this post!