REAL TALK: FEELING UNFULFILLED

Hi friends!! Okay…it’s been soooo long since I’ve written a personal blog post. I’ve mentioned it before, but putting myself on Youtube what feels like 24/7 (I know it’s not ha) drains me sometimes so writing down my thoughts and experiences in blog form can feel redundant. However, I know it’s not. After having both platforms for years I know my blog readers are truly loyal and know me on a deeper level. My blog is like my safe zone. I rarely get judged like I do on Youtube and I can share more intimate and personal aspects of my life to people that really get me. So thank you! Because of this, from time to time I choose to tell my readers whats actually going on. 

Firstly, this is something I’ve wanted to get off my chest for a while now. I actually talked Doug’s ear off about it last night until 1am;) How do I write this without coming off the wrong way? It’s so frustrating that I have to censor so much of my content, but I’ve gotten so used to people taking things the wrong way that I find myself giving 1,000 explanations of something so I don’t offend anyone. It’s tiring. Anyways…today I got my silver play button in the mail. If you aren’t in Youtube la-la-land, then you might not know, but Google (who owns Youtube) gives out silver plaques to people who have reached 100,000 subscribers. They also give them out for other milestones in the form of gold, diamond, and ruby. I remember dreaming about getting my silver play button a few years back. I thought “How cool would it be to reach that many people!?” Fast forward a few years and Doug orders it for me because I simply don’t care. Having a plaque on my wall that symbolizes a bunch of people who “follow me” seems ridiculous to me now.

So basically I’m feeling unfulfilled with my channel and my brand. I’ve been feeling this way for probably the last six months or so and I haven’t shared it because of two huge reasons. 1. My brand is the money maker. Yeah, I said it. I’m being 100% real. I honestly don’t know anyone else on Youtube that would say this, but here I am, airing it out. I tell you this because first off, it’s an AMAZING thing. To share parts of your life with the world that bring you joy (products, experiences, moments, etc.) that help bring in more than enough money so that your family can be together everyday. And 2. I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I wake up everyday overjoyed that I get to spend it with my family because of my platforms. It’s incredible and life changing. I honestly don’t know why I’m choosing to share this other than maybe it will help me decide what to do now and what the next steps are to getting out of this rut.

For the past 2-ish years, my channel has slowly but surely drifted into the “Mommy realm” of youtube. It was an accidental progression, following my life’s journey as I never planned it out this way. I never said to myself “I want to be a Mommy influencer! I want to talk about baby products and things SAHM’s do!” It just sort of happened. I honestly just created content that people wanted to see and the topics around being a Mom were highly popular so I stuck with it. For a while I truly loved it! I loved sharing my experiences with pregnancy, breastfeeding, and co-sleeping, etc. It felt natural and other women understood me when I had no Mom friends other than my sister who lived far away. The support the Mom community has given me is truly something I’ll never forget. As much as there are haters on the internet, I’ll never forget the amount of uplifting comments I received during the trying times of my first year postpartum.

Fast forward to now. I’m 26 with an 18 month old, working alongside my husband self employed on our growing Amazon business and Youtube channel. I could have never imagined this life. A large portion of my week surrounds creating content for my Mommy channel and I feel it doesn’t represent who I am currently in my life right now. Yes, I’m a Mom (soon to be of 2 girls) and yes I stay at home, but my life is drastically different than when I started making this type of content. I no longer get fired up about the newest brand of baby diapers (or did I ever?), which sippy cup is best, or whether or not I co-sleep. Maybe it’s because I’ve already gone through it. I’m not sure. What pumps me up is working late nights with my husband on our side projects, hustling all week to create a better life for our family, and grinding daily to become better people overall. That sounds sort of vague, but right now our goals are so far beyond weekly meal planning, how fast I can clean my house, or which beauty products I love and creating videos on these topics just because they are popular year after year hasn’t fulfilled me in anyway. Getting views and subscribers is so meaningless unless you are making a real difference in the lives of others…at least it is for me.

So yes, that plaque on the wall does represent a lot of hard work and I reach a lot of people, but am I even making a difference? If I’ve learned one thing since becoming my own boss, it’s that if I don’t feel like I’m helping someone, what is it all for? The more money you make definitely does not equal increased happiness. At least not for me. Don’t worry. I will never give up my ‘Hayley Paige’ channel as it’s my baby! I truly love all the people who support me. I can’t even believe you guys would follow my boring life lol, but I don’t feel like I’m making a difference other than entertaining and lets be honest, I’m not the best entertainer haha. So, if you haven’t noticed, I’m not worried about doing popular videos anymore, I’m simply vlogging because it’s what I enjoy doing most and where I feel my loyal supporters are.

With all this being said, Doug and I have decided to start a new channel as of last night. I’ll still be posting just as much on my current one, but all the stuff that we are most passionate about will go on the new one. Topics like starting your own business, the mindset you need to be an entrepreneur, what our life is actually like running our own businesses, morning rituals that have helped keep us focused, etc. We haven’t even created the channel or have a name, but I thought I’d let you guys know first!

Anyways, I wanted to open up to those of you who might be able to tell from my content where my head is at lately. The one thing that I’m so disappointed in myself is that I’ve let the negative comments get me to so much so that I stopped vlogging for a while, stopped telling you guys whats going on, and have put a wall up which has forced me to create content I’m not passionate about because it’s less likely I’ll get judged on. Well…F it!! From now on, I’m putting what I want out no matter what. If I don’t have something impactful to say or share, then I’m not putting it up. I’m pretty sure you guys follow me for the vlogs…and not ‘how to clean my house in 1 minute’ videos LOLZ. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me. You guys truly mean the world and I want to touch your lives as much as you’ve touched mine! xx

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23 Comments

  1. Tai Nippert
    July 24, 2018 / 6:39 pm

    I love reading your blogs cause I really feel like I get to know you more. You guys are so awesome and inspiring and it’s sad that there are lost and broken people that feel the need to take it out on other people but unfortunately that’s how it is in life sometimes. What you need to know is that you have wayyyyyy more people that support you guys and just follow you because you are genuine and feel real. I love all your vlogs honestly. And I’m cool with you doing whatever you need for your family and your channel. I’ll pray for you guys ???

  2. A. Evans
    July 24, 2018 / 8:05 pm

    This was so real!! I absolutely love your openness and it’s refreshing hearing what actually goes on behind the scenes because sometimes I watch YouTube and I’m like, I need to get my life together lol but you’re right it’s so much more than cleaning routines and baby products, etc… it’s about helping people! I honestly love when you post about being an entrepreneur and how to be focused and become the person you want to be so I’m super excited for this new channel! Yay for posting what you want and just being authentic! I hope you’re able to get that sense of fulfillment you feel is lacking right now!

  3. Tammi Vela
    July 24, 2018 / 8:17 pm

    It takes a lot of guts to write with such candor and vulnerability, and I applaud you for that. Life is about evolving, growing, changing, always. That’s a good thing. You grow girl! And congratulations on your award. 🙂

  4. Lauren
    July 24, 2018 / 10:06 pm

    Love reading your blogs. You do you!!! When you do things you are happy and proud of success will follow! I watch because of YOU. Not because you are a Mom, know how to apply foundation, or good a mean chili (although I do love all those things!!). You and Doug are killing it!!!

  5. Jessica Cooper
    July 25, 2018 / 5:16 am

    Your loyal followers such as myself will love all of the vlogs and vids you do. I would love to hear more about business ideas and all of that. We love you guys and business or Mom vids, it all is you guys and we wanna see and hear about it. Can’t wait!!!!!

  6. Ariana Garcia
    July 25, 2018 / 7:47 am

    I know entertainment might feel like your not making a difference, but in certain ways you are. Sometimes people need to escape their daily lives because of a bad day or a bad situation, and going to your channel gives them that feeling that there is better in this world. Apart from the fact that y’all se super sweet, you inspire your videos by demonstrating everyday how hardworking y’all are. That makes any viewer want to jump on and try something different out of their comfort zone because they see normal people just like us living it! You are like that friend that is always there to encourage us and push us to be better while setting the example of a wonderful marriage and family. People NEED that because they might not have anyone else in their lives that shows that to them and gives them that hope. You are fulfilling and making a difference although you make not always feel like it because you are on the other side of the lens. But it’s there. 😉

  7. July 25, 2018 / 12:13 pm

    LOVE THIS. I’m sorry the negative comments have gotten to you but I’m excited to see your future endeavors.

  8. Fanni
    July 25, 2018 / 1:16 pm

    For me at least you’ve made a big difference. I started watching you when I was pregnant with my first, and you’ve helped me in so many ways I can’t even tell you. You’ve made making our own decisions as a new family and trusting my instincts as a mother so so much easier, you gave me confidence.
    We live away from friends and family too, and I’ve always felt so grateful to be able to see you go through the same firsts as me, tough times and all :).

    Anyway, I think the new channel is a great idea, and I don’t think you should feel bad about you changing and having new interests, to me this seems just a new phase for you, just like becoming a ‘mommy channel’ was one (although I really hope you do keep that one too). Super excited for entrepreneurship videos!

  9. Eunice
    July 26, 2018 / 3:39 am

    You have made a tremendous difference in my life! I found you when I was pregnant with my first. He was born 3 months after Annabelle. I loved watching your pregnancy/baby/toddler updates because it made me feel like I knew what was coming and how to prepare. The FB group has also been amazing. Then you announced you were pregnant, and it was so exciting because I had also recently found out I was pregnant. I was like, here we go again! Unfortunately, I miscarried at the beginning of this month. Your vlogs and group have helped so much. I feel like I’ve known you for so long, and when you’re going through the toughest time in your life, you want to surround yourself by people that won’t remind you of your loss by asking questions or people that have been through your experience and truly understand (like in the group). I cannot thank you enough for following your heart and your dream and deciding to make your life public.

  10. Cinthia Castro
    July 26, 2018 / 9:09 am

    Hi Hayley,

    I started following you because of your pregnancy and how real you were with us in regards to your symptoms ( I lost 20 lbs the first 9 weeks of pregnancy, and kept being sick until I was five months). My daughter is going to be one, and i can relate to you in so many things. I have always said “I am a mom, but that’s not all that I am” Yes the mommy videos are very nice, and the cleaning motivates me to have my house clean, but we moms, we are humans too! I can relate to you and how your channel has changed and how you would like to make a change, so girl, do what makes you and your family happy. It is unfortunate that you feel you can’t talk about things so openly as you used to, that’s the one thing that stops me from making my own channel. i will be subscribing to your new channel once it’s created!!!

    Cinthia C

  11. July 28, 2018 / 11:24 am

    Hayley, I’ve been following your since your wedding series. I planned my wedding while you planned yours. Then you got pregnant while I was TTCing. Now I have an 11 month old. So I’ve always related to you. I came to your blog to look for places to go in Charleston because hubby and I are here for a weekend and I honestly just want to go back home and be with my son AND work on my blog . Downtown Charleston is beautiful, but we are so over the walking and burning sun. ? Anyway, I read this post and at first I felt massive envy. Hubby and I have SO MANY DREAMS that seem like they will never happen, but look how far you guys I’ve come. Starting a new channel on business and productivity is your next step and I’m sure you will succeed! It will also expand your business and brand because you will reach a different audience. I will surely follow that channel too! My point is that I admire your hard work so much! I’ve been trying to change my family’s life but continue to fail and I know it’s because I’m not working hard enough. This blog made me realize that. I need to work harder. I need to dedicate every minute of my day to my brand and the business I am trying to build for my family. Thank you for sharing everything you share. Can’t wait for your new channel! ♥️

  12. Rachel
    July 28, 2018 / 10:24 pm

    I’m so excited to see your new channel. Your business and entrepreneur mindset content is why I keep coming back for more – i put the vlogs and other general ‘mommy’ stuff on in the background but when you’re talking about your business i really stop what i’m doing and pay attention! I first found your channel searching for work at home routines and it’s been so exciting watching you on your journey. Just watched the collab you did with another youtuber talking about how you’d changed from a budgeting mindset to working harder so you could afford what your really wanted – SO inspiring!!! can’t wait to see more!!

  13. Megan Jayne
    July 30, 2018 / 4:54 am

    I love reading your blog posts I feel like I get to know and connect with you so much more! You really have helped me so much through my first year of motherhood Hayley your channel always makes me laugh and you’re so real and raw that it’s refreshing especially on YouTube. You always talk about the topics that everyone else shys away from and what you have achieved both you and Doug for your family in the years I’ve been a viewer and a reader is amazing and inspiring you should always be so so proud of how far you have come on your own two feet. I can’t wait for the new channel and to watch you and Doug succeed! Thank you Hayley! ❤

  14. Laure
    July 31, 2018 / 7:49 am

    Hi Hayley,
    First of all : excuse my english because I am french ^^.
    A little background : I think I have been following you since december 2016. I was the first of my friends to be pregnant and I guess I needed someone to relate with. That’s when I started following you and a couple of other « mom youtuberd » and I had my baby girl march 23rd 2017. I follow your blog and your facebook page but I am not the commenting type usually, more a stalker really ;).
    So… I do have a point to make bear with me. When I first started to watch you channel I was craving the « baby content », toys, nursery tour and baby hauls were my jam. But now, not so much because Like you I am not a « new mom » anymore. That’s to say you are not the only one to evolve and you subscribers might be too and will enjoy the new content ! Your « old subscribers » are not craving
    What’s in my diaper bag video but I get why those are popular because I used to watch them Too.

    Because you asked what content we like : I really like blogpost and videos about photography ( I could challenge you to a « how to : toddler photoshoot » haha) and I like when you go and visit new place in your vlogs because that’s how I get to see a bit of American Life.

    This was long but I hope a bit insightful
    Keep going
    Et voilà !

    • Brooke
      August 2, 2018 / 7:45 am

      Your comment about subscribers growing with her is SPOT ON! 🙂

  15. ERIN HUFFMIRE
    July 31, 2018 / 8:08 am

    GIRL. THIS. This is why I follow you. You are so raw, so real, so everything. I am not going to lie, your life is everything I dream mine to be. I want me and my husband to own our own business. I want to LIVE my life not just work my life away. I started my YT channel because YOU made that seem possible! Which it totally is. You inspire, motivate, and make far fetched dreams seem like they could be a reality. I honestly feel like your one of my best friends because we are so alike. I have 600 subs on YT and I am currently DREAMING of just having 1000 subs. It’s crazy that I think that will make me happy, even though I know it won’t. I will be wanting the next 1k subs, next 10k subs, and I still know deep down that won’t make me happy. I just want to live my life with my husband and our baby, have more kids, watch them grow and grow old with my husband while traveling the world. PLEASE DONT EVER CHANGE

  16. Emily Taylor
    July 31, 2018 / 1:27 pm

    Hi Haley,
    Just watching your video on this and thought I’d leave a reply. My advice, for what it’s worth, is do what you love. I prefer watching your YouTube videos simply because I can keep doing something while I watch (which I find hard when reading!). Good luck and looking forward to the new content 🙂

  17. Brooke
    August 2, 2018 / 7:42 am

    Hayley,

    I LOVE this. I’m so glad you spoke up. I have been watching your channel since your pregnancy updates with Annabelle (You and I were pregnant with our firsts at the same time, and I was SO into those videos then). I’ve never commented (guess I’m that creep lurker) because the comment section is just too overwhelming and I feel like you will never see it so what’s the point you know?

    Any I have watched you mainly because you were a “mommy youtuber” and I was in the same season of life. I will say that your “mommy” content and vlogs really do make a difference in peoples’ lives especially for me being a work from home mom where the days can be very lonely and watching channels/people like you has given me inspiration in the smallest but real ways… Hayley did her makeup today so I can too (instead of looking like my usual homeless self)! Hayley did a cleaning video, now I’ve just gotten some motivation to do the same! Hayley is struggling with “X” issue, man do I know the feeling…. etc…etc…etc… So some of that mommy content can make a real difference in the lives of some.

    NOW… with that being said, there is something to be said about personal growth and moving on to other things. I have always loved the bits here and there when you and/or Doug would talk about your side hustle or the types of books you were reading or how you go about making a better life for yourself and I always found myself wishing you would expand more on that because you two inspire me on a life level and I can’t WAIT to see your new channel! Don’t be scared, you may certainly lose some viewers over this, but if you follow your heart you will gain others, be doing what you were meant to do, and making a difference in the world that is meaningful to you!

  18. Jessa
    August 10, 2018 / 2:14 pm

    Wow this is so exciting to hear! I found your channel when I was on maternity leave with my baby the same age as annabelle. I really loved it at the time, but now, like you, my interests aren’t to watch stay at home mom videos all the time. I loved your getting out of debt and building a future videos and would love more videos about that as that’s what I’m gravitating towards now. So excited for what’s to come!

  19. Laurie Crose
    August 12, 2018 / 6:25 am

    I just recently found your channel through another youtuber Love Meg and I love your channel. I am excited to see what is in store for you and your family. I am interested in your new channel because I am trying to start my new stationery business and certainly could use some tips, tricks, advice,what have you to make it a successful. I will watch both channels and read your blog because you are inspiring. It’s okay to feel the way you do and I don’t think you are ungrateful at all. We all go through seasons in our lives and this season is ending and s new one is beginning. Embrace it and enjoy it. I am excited to see your new channel and read more on your blog. Many blessings to you and your family.

  20. Naymara
    August 29, 2018 / 9:28 am

    Hi!! I just started following you on you tube and no your blogs! I’m new on this I’ve never done this before but a think you are an awesome sweet normal honest person!!!
    I think you should do what is best for you and what you like! And I would love if you guys do the new YouTube channel!!!!! Me and my husband started creating are own store on Shopify! But we know nobody that does the same! We want to have freedom!! We need support!!! Thank you so much!!!

  21. Shontae Adacia
    October 21, 2018 / 1:56 pm

    I truly love this post!

    I’m going through this right now however my situations slightly different.
    I’m just starting my mommy blog but don’t want to talk about the usual mundane tasks of being a mom like school runs, buying nappies and baby formula.
    Instead, I want to talk about deeper issues like finding yourself again as a mom, how to find passion and fulfilment in your life and how to completely transform yourself to live the life you love.
    Those are the things that interest me, they’re more deeper than the surface level stuff we typically share as SAHM’s.
    What I believe is there’s still a market for mom’s like that, so if you’re worried about people not being interested, don’t worry!
    Just like your target audience found this blog, others will find your new blog/YouTube.

    I love educating myself and writing, but I couldn’t imagine sharing info about things I really don’t care about.
    So yes! Go for it, do what you love and you’ll feel like you’re actually making a difference in this world.

    Hope your business is going well for you now!

    Much love x

  22. Lisa M Haney
    November 27, 2018 / 11:15 pm

    Hi Hayley! I just wanted to say that I just recently started watching your youtube videos and I can’t stop watching them! Lol. I love the content of your videos and find them helpful for random things in my life. They are fun and informative! I also started following your vlog and it’s very inspiring. Keep doing what you’re doing because you are awesome at what you do! I LOVE how real you are and show that you care about helping other people. Stay just the way you are girl! I’m actually thinking of starting my own vlog soon and would love any advice you might have!

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