Hi friends!! Okay…it’s been soooo long since I’ve written a personal blog post. I’ve mentioned it before, but putting myself on Youtube what feels like 24/7 (I know it’s not ha) drains me sometimes so writing down my thoughts and experiences in blog form can feel redundant. However, I know it’s not. After having both platforms for years I know my blog readers are truly loyal and know me on a deeper level. My blog is like my safe zone. I rarely get judged like I do on Youtube and I can share more intimate and personal aspects of my life to people that really get me. So thank you! Because of this, from time to time I choose to tell my readers whats actually going on.
Firstly, this is something I’ve wanted to get off my chest for a while now. I actually talked Doug’s ear off about it last night until 1am;) How do I write this without coming off the wrong way? It’s so frustrating that I have to censor so much of my content, but I’ve gotten so used to people taking things the wrong way that I find myself giving 1,000 explanations of something so I don’t offend anyone. It’s tiring. Anyways…today I got my silver play button in the mail. If you aren’t in Youtube la-la-land, then you might not know, but Google (who owns Youtube) gives out silver plaques to people who have reached 100,000 subscribers. They also give them out for other milestones in the form of gold, diamond, and ruby. I remember dreaming about getting my silver play button a few years back. I thought “How cool would it be to reach that many people!?” Fast forward a few years and Doug orders it for me because I simply don’t care. Having a plaque on my wall that symbolizes a bunch of people who “follow me” seems ridiculous to me now.
So basically I’m feeling unfulfilled with my channel and my brand. I’ve been feeling this way for probably the last six months or so and I haven’t shared it because of two huge reasons. 1. My brand is the money maker. Yeah, I said it. I’m being 100% real. I honestly don’t know anyone else on Youtube that would say this, but here I am, airing it out. I tell you this because first off, it’s an AMAZING thing. To share parts of your life with the world that bring you joy (products, experiences, moments, etc.) that help bring in more than enough money so that your family can be together everyday. And 2. I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I wake up everyday overjoyed that I get to spend it with my family because of my platforms. It’s incredible and life changing. I honestly don’t know why I’m choosing to share this other than maybe it will help me decide what to do now and what the next steps are to getting out of this rut.
For the past 2-ish years, my channel has slowly but surely drifted into the “Mommy realm” of youtube. It was an accidental progression, following my life’s journey as I never planned it out this way. I never said to myself “I want to be a Mommy influencer! I want to talk about baby products and things SAHM’s do!” It just sort of happened. I honestly just created content that people wanted to see and the topics around being a Mom were highly popular so I stuck with it. For a while I truly loved it! I loved sharing my experiences with pregnancy, breastfeeding, and co-sleeping, etc. It felt natural and other women understood me when I had no Mom friends other than my sister who lived far away. The support the Mom community has given me is truly something I’ll never forget. As much as there are haters on the internet, I’ll never forget the amount of uplifting comments I received during the trying times of my first year postpartum.
Fast forward to now. I’m 26 with an 18 month old, working alongside my husband self employed on our growing Amazon business and Youtube channel. I could have never imagined this life. A large portion of my week surrounds creating content for my Mommy channel and I feel it doesn’t represent who I am currently in my life right now. Yes, I’m a Mom (soon to be of 2 girls) and yes I stay at home, but my life is drastically different than when I started making this type of content. I no longer get fired up about the newest brand of baby diapers (or did I ever?), which sippy cup is best, or whether or not I co-sleep. Maybe it’s because I’ve already gone through it. I’m not sure. What pumps me up is working late nights with my husband on our side projects, hustling all week to create a better life for our family, and grinding daily to become better people overall. That sounds sort of vague, but right now our goals are so far beyond weekly meal planning, how fast I can clean my house, or which beauty products I love and creating videos on these topics just because they are popular year after year hasn’t fulfilled me in anyway. Getting views and subscribers is so meaningless unless you are making a real difference in the lives of others…at least it is for me.
So yes, that plaque on the wall does represent a lot of hard work and I reach a lot of people, but am I even making a difference? If I’ve learned one thing since becoming my own boss, it’s that if I don’t feel like I’m helping someone, what is it all for? The more money you make definitely does not equal increased happiness. At least not for me. Don’t worry. I will never give up my ‘Hayley Paige’ channel as it’s my baby! I truly love all the people who support me. I can’t even believe you guys would follow my boring life lol, but I don’t feel like I’m making a difference other than entertaining and lets be honest, I’m not the best entertainer haha. So, if you haven’t noticed, I’m not worried about doing popular videos anymore, I’m simply vlogging because it’s what I enjoy doing most and where I feel my loyal supporters are.
With all this being said, Doug and I have decided to start a new channel as of last night. I’ll still be posting just as much on my current one, but all the stuff that we are most passionate about will go on the new one. Topics like starting your own business, the mindset you need to be an entrepreneur, what our life is actually like running our own businesses, morning rituals that have helped keep us focused, etc. We haven’t even created the channel or have a name, but I thought I’d let you guys know first!
Anyways, I wanted to open up to those of you who might be able to tell from my content where my head is at lately. The one thing that I’m so disappointed in myself is that I’ve let the negative comments get me to so much so that I stopped vlogging for a while, stopped telling you guys whats going on, and have put a wall up which has forced me to create content I’m not passionate about because it’s less likely I’ll get judged on. Well…F it!! From now on, I’m putting what I want out no matter what. If I don’t have something impactful to say or share, then I’m not putting it up. I’m pretty sure you guys follow me for the vlogs…and not ‘how to clean my house in 1 minute’ videos LOLZ. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me. You guys truly mean the world and I want to touch your lives as much as you’ve touched mine! xx