Happy Thanksgiving friends! First off, thank you all SO MUCH for checking out my new blog and signing up for my newsletter! I couldn’t believe the amount of people that signed up, it was overwhelming! In Wednesday’s post where I talked all about the struggles of putting yourself out there on the internet, I also included a survey at the end of the post that asked you which topics you wanted me to write more on. After looking through all the results coming in, it quickly became apparent that you all wanted to see more personal posts on topics about marriage, motherhood, etc. So that’s what I wanted to write about today as I just turned 36 weeks pregnant!
Honestly, I had no idea what to expect once the word “pregnant” popped up on the stick. So many thoughts flooded my mind for days on end and I felt so overwhelmed by all the information I was reading and hearing. I didn’t mentally prepare myself for pregnancy at all either. I hadn’t been tracking my ovulation, reading tips on how to get pregnant, or even picturing Doug and I raising another human being. It was all too fast and too sudden for me to rationally cope with. There are so many misconceptions about pregnancy that I think isolates mothers and makes them feel insecure about the emotions they go through. Everyone assumes that pregnancy promotes happiness, gives you a certain “glow”, and makes you feel better than ever inside, but with the overwhelming changes happening to your body sometimes you experience or feel none of those things, at least I didn’t at first.
I’m constantly reading comments from readers/viewers that I can relate to on so many different levels that I thought I would share some of the struggles and joys I’ve faced throughout my pregnancy…
First Trimester: Emotionally drained to acceptance
This was by far three of the roughest months of my life both physically and mentally. The surge of hormones that rage through your body really can take a toll on your overall demeanor, making it hard to feel like yourself. At first I found myself mourning my old life and scared of the future. I quickly made a list of things I still wanted to do before our baby was here. Travel to Japan, work on my blog, go on a roadtrip, encourage Doug to finish his drift car. I thought once we had a baby we would never get to do things for ourselves again, at least that’s what people told me. I laid in bed for days watching all the daily vlogs I could of families raising small children, just trying to picture what our life would be like. I didn’t feel myself and it didn’t feel right. Once I started to accept the fact that this was happening after praying about it for about two weeks, I started to come around. I began to trust that God had a plan for our lives and me giving up control of how I thought our life would go freed me from anxiety and worry. Once I found out our baby’s gender my outlook began to shift. I suddenly felt such a connection to the life living inside of me and wanted to know all about her. Picturing our life as a threesome was so much easier now and planning for her arrival felt so natural.
Second Trimester: Physically drained to excitement
After overcoming what felt like the worst morning sickness a person could have, I knew my mental state would change. Now that I wasn’t living near a toilet/sink (I know, gross), I felt on top of the world. I could clean again, cook again, take a shower without having to sit down in the middle of washing my hair to take a break from exhaustion, and keep up with my appearance a bit more to make myself feel better. It felt good to look like myself again. Then came the routine baby anatomy scan. This really threw me. I’m honestly not sure why either because no matter what outcome the baby’s health had, I would have kept her no matter what, but something about knowing what problems she would face scared me. I was constantly praying and worrying that everything would turn out okay and of course it did. If pregnancy has taught me anything it’s to not rely on yourself or anyone else for guidance because you’re going to be lost. I truly needed God to get me through it or else I would have been a mess.
Third Trimester: Overall happiness
Feeling the baby move around, hiccup, and kick is the best feeling in the world! It almost gives them little personalities that you can relate to. Doug loved to call her a “lazy baby” because she refused to turn head down until the last minute and I always called her “feisty” because she gave me a hard time in the first trimester making me sick and she would press her foot against my nerve in my second trimester making me not able to walk for what felt like days on end. We feel like we know her already! My morning sickess is completely gone and I feel nothing but pure happiness nad excitment for the future.
Being pregnant this past year truly has changed me the most out of any experience I’ve ever gone through. It’s made me a less selfish and a more loving person. I can only imagine what having a baby will be like!
I also wanted to mention this dress I’m wearing from a brand called eShakti. They custom fit all your pieces before sending them to you according to your measurements, which is perfect during pregnancy! They also have so many festive holiday inspired dresses like this black dress, this chiffon dress, and this poplin shift dress. I hope you all have an amazing day spent with loved ones and that you eat lots of turkey and my favorite…stuffing!:)
Eshakti Dress c/o
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