December 8, 2017

tell me more

I'm Hayley — helping moms do more in every aspect of their life. Mom of 3, entrepreneur, and homeschooler!

Meet Hayley

Two Piece Outfit (Crop top + skirt) | Diaper Backpack c/o | Cardigan c/o

Annabelle’s Romper c/o | Annabelle’s Shoes

For those of you who don’t know, I was a blogger long before I ever started a Youtube channel. I LOVED blogging (and still do) because it kind of feels anonymous. It’s like getting things off your chest when you need to, without the infiltration of the usual Youtube comments that occur 5 seconds after you set a video live. I also still love it because it connects me and my readers/viewers on a deeper level. I know those of you who read my blog truly feel me beyond the surface level because you take the time to read my posts seeing as I don’t post all that often. I have so much I want to say and for the first time in a long time I want to be 100% honest to those of you who have stuck by me for so long and have taken some kind of value away from my content. You deserve it more than anyone.

First off, I’m not the best writer so bear with me. Ha…I’m not even the best speaker, yet filming videos is apart of my job. There are so many things I want to say, but it’s hard to write them all down without coming off a certain way or sounding ungrateful.

Let me start by saying these past few months have felt like a truck ran me over. Okay, a little dramatic, but I truly feel the most overwhelmed I’ve ever felt in my life. Beyond any hard accounting classes in college, beyond planning a wedding, having a baby, or dealing with serious life stuff. This time it’s different. When you have a baby something magical happens. You are no longer the center of your universe. Your baby is. You live and breathe for your baby only. It’s insanity, but in the best way. There hasn’t been a single moment in 11 months where I put my baby second to my needs and it’s both an instinct and terrifying all at the same time.

Being a Mother is no joke. It rocks your world. Changes your mindset. There are days when you go a little nutso and just want to stand in the shower ALONE for an hour by yourself (did I mention alone?) just to soak up time for YOU. I took 2 showers today and the one before bed wasn’t because I physically needed it. I just stood in there, put a deep hair repair mask in and took my sweet time. It was glory. Then there are days where going out and about with your baby and it seems like second nature. You are in total control. You feel like you’re on top of the world. It’s great. And then there are other days where the thought of lugging in your groceries + a crying baby is the most daunting task in the world.

My newly married friend called me yesterday asking when would be a good time to have a baby. Of course I told her having a baby is the single BEST thing that has ever happened to me and whenever they feel ready to do so. Then she asked for the real answer. The answer no one speaks of. The answer that deep down everyone kind of knows, but doesn’t want to say out loud. I said it’s hard. It’s hard physically, emotionally, mentally, and all of the above. 100% worth it, but hard. She wanted to wait a few years anyways so I wasn’t at all deterring her from this important life path by any means. She expressed to me that she wanted more time to just be her husbands #1 and I said YES!! Do that! It’s all important and for her to cherish this time.

Where am I going with this…I told you I’m not the best writer;) Anyways, adjusting to motherhood while being a wife, friend, daughter, sister, etc. is difficult sometimes. There are so many expectations of you and even ones placed on yourself and it can be daunting. My dilemma right now is this: Raise my daughter 100% of the time while devoting my every attention to her OR pursue a career path that I’ve dreamt of for YEARS, have the opportunity to work alongside Doug in the future, create a legacy for my children, etc. See the second one is the obvious choice to many of you. Mainly because my children will see their Mom doing all of these great things and look up to that person and maybe even be inspired themselves and that I’ll feel fulfilled. Happy Mom=happy children, right? I get that. BUT and there’s a big BUT there…that means I need to work a lot. Like a lot. That’s one thing I’ve learned in starting and running my business. And yes, for the majority that don’t know my Youtube channel is a full fledged business. It brings in an income + some more and has the potential to really expand to where I can hire help. It’s amazing, but scary at the same time. Anyways…back to the hustle. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it means that HUSTLE, motivation, drive, blood, sweat, and tears need to be poured into an idea to make it a reality. It’s fact. I’ve lived it. My family has lived it. I know if Doug or I ever want to be financially free or independent to raise our children, we need to grind on the daily outside of our jobs. On weekends. After everyones asleep.

You guys, it’s hard. Most of you know we started a business about 5 months ago and we’ve squeezed every last second of the day into it (It’s a Mom & baby brand-you’ll find out soon). We haven’t watched a lick of TV/Netflix in 5 MONTHS! There’s been no time to do anything. We’ve never started a business let alone worked together in our relationship. I’ve never felt so much Mom guilt than I have these past few months because my attention isn’t all on her. So many of you guys tell me to take a break, have a day to myself, get a baby sitter, have date night. We’ve completely adopted Gary Vaynerchuk’s philosophy on hustle (look it up! It’s amazing and so true.) So for us, it’s not reality. At least right now. You have to go against what everyone else is doing to get ahead (read this book).

What I’m trying to say is in the meantime, I’ve lost track of my audience, brand, channel- you guys. It’s been so hard to stay on top of uploading. Sponsored vs. non sponsored videos (It’s how we pay our bills), etc. I accidentally clicked on a vlog from last Christmas before Annabelle was born and we were so carefree. I uploaded so much, had such a bond with you guys, and we vibed. Now I’m trying to balance all of these things while still trying to bring in an income for my family and it’s just gotten to be a lot. I know there is no real solution for this as of now, but I wanted to come on here and say THANK YOU to those of you who have stuck around. From the bottom of my heart. I miss the connection I used to feel between me and my subscribers/readers and I’m going to try and get that back. I’m still working out how to juggle being a full time Mom with being a working entrepreneur and I don’t have the key yet. Any tips would be much appreciated. Our friend watched Annabelle for an hour for the first time so we could take a Skype call for our business and I was tortured inside the entire time. Trying not to check my phone, but glancing anyways. Why am I like this!? It’s so hard for me to let go and separate motherhood from everything else.

Anyways, motherhood has changed me 10000%. In the absolute best of ways. It’s made me a little nuts I’m not going to lie;) but whatever, it’s the best. I’m trying to juggle it all and what Doug and I keep telling ourselves is that we’re learning everyday. It’s like learning a new skill or language even. Little by little we teach ourselves something everyday about parenthood that makes us better as we go along. So thank you so so much for hanging in there, following our journey, and being so supportive. You all mean the world to me! xx

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  1. Jess says:

    Sponsored or not I look forward to your videos/ blog post. Can’t wait to hear all about the buisness. Best of luck, and just know you’re an amazing mother.

  2. Vanessa H. says:

    It’s definitely hard to be a mom and be yourself at the same time. I had my daughter a year and a half ago and it still feels like I had her just yesterday. I’m still as exhausted as I was when she was just born. I go to school full time and am a stay at home mom so I look forward to my solo showers at night (even though they’re rare lol). At the end of the day, I find comfort and happiness in being able to be with my daughter as much as I am because I know alot of moms don’t have the opportunity. And they grow so fast so I cherish every single moment, even the ones where I feel like I’m about to give up. I’m a new subscriber to your channel, but I already can tell you’re such a dedicated mother and wife and that’s really all that matters. You have my support 100% and I’m here cheering you on! Xoxo

  3. Eunice says:

    Agreed. As someone who has been following you for over a year, I don’t really care what the content is. A sit down, vlog, sponsored or not sponsored video. As your audience, I’ve looked forward to your videos because your family has become my family. It’s always nice to hear what’s going on with you guys! As family, we understand that sometimes bigger and better things come along. It doesn’t mean you’re abandoning us, it simply means there’s one more thing we’re happy for and one more thing to cheer you on for! I can’t wait to see what you guys are working on! I’m sure it’ll be great!

  4. Victoria Lekberg says:

    You’re honestly one of the biggest, influential people (I wanna say in my life but you’re only on my phone screen lol) and I truly admire everything that you’re doing. I don’t follow anyone else on YouTube, instagram, etc. because I just don’t think they keep it real like you do ??‍♀️ I think (from the tiny bit you show us from Vlogs) that you’re an amazing mother, wife, etc and I seriously cannot wait to see what the future brings for you. I think you, Doug, and Nanu deserve a stress-free, successful life because of all the hard work you do. I, myself have enrolled back into school after taking a semester off after having my baby in July; I don’t think I would have gone back if it wasn’t for you showing how motivated and determined you are towards your business and other goals. It really showed me that you HAVE to WORK HARD to get where you want to be. No free rides. I just keep telling myself that. Thank you so much Hayley!
    P.s. Nanu is the most adorable thing ever! 🙂

  5. Ashley Santiago says:

    Hayley- girl did you just jump inside my brain and write this?!?! I’m a stay at home mom and Freelance brand designer. My business has been booming and I’ve constantly been feeling guilty like I’m not 100% present when I’m with my daughter (1.5 years old). I want to be mindful and present but also don’t want to lose moment on a business finally taking off that I have dreamed of! I don’t have any advice since I’m struggling by but thanks for sharing. I’m glad I’m not alone and know your right that these decisions will pave the way for a brighter future. But mom guilt is so real and so instinctual.

  6. Zebrina says:

    This was my first time coming onto your blog after following your YouTube all this time, and I’m glad I did. Honestly I look up to you. How driven you are! Your children will remember the things you did with them, and the time you spent together. They will also see how hard working that their mama is! Anyway you chose to go they will see how amazing you are. Me being a SAHM drives me stir crazy and I’ve thought about getting a part time job. For my sanity haha. I would literally be going to work just to pay for daycare so it’s not worth it for me. I have mom guilt all the time for even thinking that way. I agree, being a mom changes you for the better! Babies are little teachers. We just learn along the way. Anyways! I look forward to seeing your videos, insta, and now blog posts! Btw, I’m so excited to hear about your business! A mom and baby brand?! GAHHH TAKE ALL OF MY MONEY ALREADY ?

  7. Yadi says:

    Oh Hayley❤️ Thank you for being so raw and honest. Motherhood is such a hard job as is, I truly do appreciate when you upload (I check every day?) but you are a real person with a life outside of YouTube and sometimes we forget that. Either way your real true subscribers love you and your little family and we understand that right now you are in a different stage of life and that’s okay!♥️ When you are ready, we will still be here waiting. And I can’t wait to see whats in store for your family, thank you for letting us be part of your family adventures.
    Xoxo ♥️♥️♥️

  8. Morgan jones says:

    I don’t read your blog much. Like you, I have no time for anything. ? I usually only get to watch YouTube videos while I’m in the shower. Thank the lord for waterproof phones and a soap dish far enough from the water stream. Motherhood changes you completely. Every aspect of your thinking changes, your priorities, your whole world is flipped upside down. It’s taken me a year after having our daughter to find myself again. While I was pregnant I completely lost my identity. It was a whirlwind of emotions and sickness and fear and I was not expecting to get pregnant so soon or really at all. Then poof you’re a mom and you’re identity changes again. Post partum emotions kick in and that doesn’t help your identity crisis at all. It took a while to find myself, a new me. I would often hear moms say I can’t wait to feel like myself again. Well who’s that anymore? I realized I was never going to be ‘myself’ again. Only this new me plus one. I couldn’t be happier though, I had a rough couple of years before I met my husband and I wasn’t proud of who I was. So for me to feel pride in myself, as a mother and a wife. It feels like a breath of fresh air. Our house is never tidy and sometimes our daughter is in her pjs until 2 in the afternoon. But she is so loved. She knows she is loved. You can see it in her manorism and her personality. That makes me proud to be who I am. I’m always tired and I have grey hair at 22 and I never seem to have enough time to do anything but I sure do have time to love that baby. You’re an incredible woman Hayley. You try your hardest and that’s more than some. You’ll only know what’s right for your family and yourself. Stay true to yourself. ❤️

  9. Lee says:

    Hey Hayley, I’m personally not a mom so I couldn’t really give you any tips on how to maybe feel less guilty or whatever (not a great writer either lol) but I just wanted to tell you that as a subscriber and as somebody who’s been following you for a while that I want to see you succeed, I think that what you and Doug are doing is great and will be a huge positive change in your lives! I mean sure I miss your daily vlogging but I know there is a bigger picture so at the end of the day I think I speak for many of us (your subscribers) we will be here and we will be happy to see your business go and be successful! ❤️

  10. Joanna Alonso says:

    I respect you for your hustle and all the while being such a hands on mom…I have a 12 year old and a soon to be 1 year old and I’m still trying to figure life out even with a descent job, a house, a husband, and whatever life may throw at you…you inspire me and for that it’s worth waiting for your next video and/or blog…continue to be pationate about what you do….that’s what keeps us coming back.. we see how pationate you are about your family and your hustle … remember to pat yourself on the back because your juggling a full plate and your doing it quite well!

  11. Jordan says:

    This is absolutely beautiful!! You’re seriously the most hard working mommy ever. It’s amazing that you do everything for your family, that’s seriously the most wonderful thing ever. ?

  12. Vidalia says:

    Omg I almost cried(emotional mess right now). I never read blogs but I love reading yours. Thank you for keeping it so real and opening your life up to the public. I’m not a mom so I can’t relate in a lot of things but I do understand. Working in a field where clients (moms) tell me this all the time. They also say it gets better, they learn to not worry so much take time for themselves and love themselves because if all of that doesn’t happen then they won’t be at their best and then who will look after their child better than them. Idk if that made any sense of thank you for being such a great mom and sharing your journey with us. You’re doing a GREAT JOB! ❤️

  13. Christina says:

    Sponsored or not, if you upload, I’m watching! I enjoy having a real lunch break at work sometimes rather than working through them and watching your videos makes me feel like I’m having lunch with a friend and catching up… I sound like such a weirdo ? Anyway, all I’m trying to say is keep doing what you’re doing! I don’t know how you balance it all, but I admire your drive and dedication. I know you feel that you might be taking the tiniest bit of time you think your viewers or Annabelle should get, but you’re planning for bigger things for the future, so that time is still being put into those important to you, trust that ❤️ Those that truly care and support you will understand and Annabelle will know she has such incredible parents to look up to!

  14. Amber says:

    I missed your videos a lot, it was something I looked forward to after laying my baby girl down for her nap. I knew her naps lasted only 30minutes so I quickly grabbed my cellphone and cold morning coffee and try to relax & watch some vlogs 🙂 I’m happy to see you uploading more these days but I’m also so happy that you’re pursuing your dream and making it happen. My husband is the only one bringing in income, because he wants me to stay home and raise our daughter the first year. I get the “you’re so lucky” or “when are you going back to work?” A lot. It’s annoying because not bringing in your own income sucks. My husband doesn’t mind if I buy a random throw pillow at target but I feel guilt whenever I swipe the credit card because I know he is working so hard to support the family. He tells me I am too by raising our daughter. It’s hard, I totally agree with you. I’ve even debated going back to college and pursuing a different degree. So much changes when you have baby, that’s for sure! Sending lots of positive vibes your way!

  15. Mandi says:

    I’m not a mom.. yet. I got married earlier this year, and things like this scare me. I have many friends with little ones so I see the HARD side of it more than I wish I had. Me and my husband both work full time jobs out of the house, we would have no choice but to find arrangements for our future kids 5 days a week, in order to work and afford it. You not wanting to leave Annabelle for an hour makes me feel like my career is going to plummet if I feel the same way as you do right now, and that is terrifying. UGH. But What I’m trying to say is don’t beat yourself up too much. There’s a lot of parents who have no choice but to sacrifice time for their career in order to keep their heads above water, and it is true, you are in turn bettering her future. My parents both worked full time outside of the house, and I never felt an ounce less of love. Either way she is still going to love you and have the same bond with you no matter what. But super excited to hear what you and Doug are working on! I hope you feel some clarity soon!

  16. Melissa says:

    Love your blog! I’ve been following since the pre-Annabelle days, but don’t usually comment much on YT because I usually watch while I’m working, driving, getting ready, etc. I was so excited when you guys started vlogging regularly because I just love your little family! I love how down to earth you, sharing everything and not being embarrassed by real life. We don’t have kids yet but I have eleven nieces and nephews so I’m familiar with the unique hustle of motherhood. One of my sisters started a business with her husband years ago and it takes a ton of her time. From her experience, I would say there’s no one like grandparents to babysit while you can’t be there. My sisteroved close by for this reason and it was the best thing she could have done! My parents love spending time with their grandkids and my sister doesn’t have to worry. Maybe that could work for you? I know every situation is super unique and I may be totally off base, but I can totally relate with you based on what I’ve seen in my sisters’ lives. Either way, you’re a smart lady and obviously very determined, so I have no doubt you’ll figure out what works for you! Much love!

  17. Rachel says:

    You are such an incredible mom. For starters, the fact that you’re having this internal battle over these decisions is the proof. I happen to be very analytical, and so my take on this would be to continue the hustle. Hustle like you’ve never hustled before. Hustling will never change your priorities. You will naturally always put Annabelle first, Doug second and your hustle third. Having read your blog and been a subscriber since before Annabelle was a twinkle in your eye, I have seen how driven you are and it is inspirational. I can only imagine how Annabelle will feel when she is old enough to realize how incredible you are. Think about the times in the future and how struggling through the hustle now, could lend you to being more present in the future. Building a legacy so to speak when you no longer have to be consumed with your business, giving you even more time and financial freedom to experience all you dream of with Annabelle. I think there is so much mom guilt these days, and your platform and exposure just amplifies it. I don’t know if you will read all of this, but I just wanted you to know that no matter where your career goes, you’ve already proven yourself to be an incredible mom, wife woman and influencer. I just got married after 8 years of dating, and would give anything to become a mother right now. I live vicariously through your experiences for now, and can’t thank you enough for being so transparent and real. ❤️

  18. Tammi says:

    Thank you for taking the time to write such a heartfelt, thoughtful post. I’m old enough to be your mom, and I feel proud of you for being such a devoted mother, supportive wife, and hard-working, self-motivated entrepreneur. That is a very hard line to walk, and you are doing it with humor, love, and grace. And you look cute all the time too! lol Do what you need to do and know that your subscribers will enjoy coming along for the ride. Love to your little family xxx

  19. Sabra Nicole says:

    You’re doing a phenomenal job, mama! Keeping your head afloat sometimes seems impossible but I can assure you from an outsider’s perspective, I think you are doing great! Keep it up and embrace every feeling that comes your way. But recognize it as just a feeling. Feelings are fleeting but the hustle you’re putting in is going to make a lifetime of a difference.

  20. Caroline says:

    I’ve said it before and here goes again, you guys are like my TV Land BFF’s, I love watching your videos! Good luck with the business, I know it will be great!

  21. India Longo says:

    I could care less is anything is sponsored, as long as it is something you truly enjoy or recommend which I feel like you wouldn’t promote anything unless it was. You have worked so hard to get to this point, good for you that you get so many sponsors, that’s the goal! I have 3 kids and completely understand how you are feeling. I hope you can catch a break soon to get some alone time by yourself or with Doug, it is so important for your sanity to allow yourself that. I love following you and will continue no matter what your posting schedule is like so please don’t feel so much pressure of letting people down! You’re doing great!

  22. Sara says:

    Life is difficult with or without a child. I have no idea how you juggle it all but I do love following your journey even if your posting is more sporadic. You’re doing an amazing job!

  23. Madison says:

    I could tell just from the past videos you’ve posted that you are feeling overwhelmed, so thank you for letting us know what’s going on even though you didn’t need to.

    Hayley, there is a reason why you are the only person on YouTube I want to watch every video of. Girl you are still only 25 and have so much accomplished already; it just amazes me. Not only that but you are extremely mature and smart. You are the kind of person I want to be when I turn 25 in a couple short years! I don’t know if I’m right, but I think you sometimes forget how young you are and discredit how far you have come in such a short time. Everything will be fine Hayley. 🙂

    You are not just a mom… you are a GIRL BOSS! If you ever need help I am totally willing to for free! Hang in there girl. If anyone can do it all, I know it’s you. <3

  24. Nicole says:

    Same, Hayley! Totally relate to you! Our daughter is 4.5 months and I’ve just gone back to work. I only work 15-20 hours a week from home and an additional 5 or so hours at the office when I need to be there for meetings. On top of that I’m trying really hard to sell clothes on eBay and Poshmark so that I can make us a little extra cash. That actually takes a lot of time and effort in order to make any amount of good money. And the guilt is so real! I don’t know why I feel so bad for not spending every ounce of my attention on my baby. I don’t have any answers either. I just know we’re all trying to do what’s right and what’s best for our families and that is what matters! Good luck in your new business and can’t wait to follow along and support you guys. Sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers your way! 🙂

  25. Anna says:

    Love your blog and your channel. I have been watching you for over a year and plan to continue to do so! You are the only YouTuber I follow. I admire your parenting style and relate to you a lot. None of my mom friends have similar parenting views as me, so I find comfort in watching your vlogs—feeling like someone else “gets” me and my parenting choices. You seem to be an amazing mother. Annabelle and Doug are both very lucky to have you! In the end, you have to do what you feel is right for your family’s future. We, your supporters, will be her no matter what. Good luck on your next venture and I look forward to hearing about it!!

  26. Ariel says:

    I just started watching you a few months back, but already I feel so connected and can relate. Thank you for writing this. It’s made me feel less guilty about taking time for myself and needs knowing it’s in the best interest for my baby. A happy mom is a happy baby as well. I’m glad there are other moms out there who feel the same.

  27. Shanice says:

    Hey Hayley! You are by far my fave youtuber! I watched you faithfully during my pregnancy recently (had a babyboy) to compare your old pregnancy updates as well as all your new content like it was a tv show ? i tell my boyfriend your my youtube friend even though you don’t know me haha

    But what you explained here, is actually a moment where young moms take their hats off to you! Your gonna find the balance you need in no time. Nanu is such a happy baby, trust me your doing everything your suppose too while trying to balance being a self employed mommy.

    No matter how busy you get, or even if the vlog may be 5 mins, I am always excited to read a blog post or watch your videos.

  28. Kirsty says:

    Hayley, I found your channel while I was pregnant and was suffering with morning sickness just like you. It was so refreshing to hear another mum to be talking so honestly about how she was feeling. That’s the reason I subscribed to you and the reason I continue to love your content. I appreciate how hard you work for your family. My daughter is 5 months old, so I am constantly watching old videos of yours to see what you guys were doing when Annabelle was at the same stage. Although you may feel different not uploading as much currently, don’t forget how your existing content continues to help and inspire people every day. I wish you all the luck in the world with your new business and cannot wait to hear more! Xx

  29. Paris Jerry says:

    Thanks for opening up to us I LOVE THIS coming from a fellow Mom! I can’t wait to see what you and Doug have been working on everyday I get excited and hope you upload the video revealing the new business venture ???

  30. I’m a fairly new subscriber, but you’ve got me for the long haul! His was beautifully written! ❤️

  31. Guadalupe says:

    Oh Hayley, I feel you on this 100%. I’ve been subscribed to your channel for a year and I’m here for the long run! I’m a mom as well, my daughter is 3 yrs old now and it’s so amazing to be able to have similar connections with other moms because it makes you feel like you’re not alone. When I got pregnant I was not only just turning 21 but I was new at my job, so when my daughter was born since I hadn’t been there for a full year I wasn’t granted the three months off to have my baby bond. I left her after only one month to go back to work because her dad and I desperately needed the money. I cried so much that day. It was very hard at first and we lost our connection for a bit when she started growing because she would spend more time with other people than me. That totally made me question the choices I had made. However, I knew that me going to work was for our own good because I would be able to do things to make her happy. Now that shes three she knows I have to work and she’s ok with it, but when I get off, we make the absolute best of those hours before bed time (and the weekends of course). My point is that, I totally get how hard it is to be away from little miss Annabelle and the mom guilt but starting this business with Doug is a sacrifice that will pay off, trust me! Annabelle will be so proud one day, I guarantee it! You just keep on being a kick ass mom!

  32. Melissa says:

    Dear Hayley,
    Thank you for the inspiration you give me often to be a great mom! I love how your words of wisdom about cherishing your baby while they’re little keep popping in my head whenever I feel desperate for ME time but can’t get it yet. I appreciate how you’re so honest and open about your messy house (that’s honestly not that bad…especially since you don’t even have a dishwasher!) and just life in general. You remind me that life isn’t perfect and that’s still ok. We, as moms, are incredibly blessed with our children. They teach us more about selflessness than anyone else could, that’s for sure! I love your videos and always look forward to them. Wish we could be friends in real life! Hope you have a great day today, a merry Christmas when it arrives, and a very happy new year!!!

  33. This was both inspiring and heartbreaking to read. I hope that your heart and mind find that balance between everything so that you’re more at peace even if you’re working hard as ever. Here’s my mommy secret: I work from 8am till 5pm in the office every day. I wake up my baby just in time to leave the house at 7am and I get back to the house to see her when my husband has picked her up (or I’ve picked her up) at around 6pm. My 8 month old goes to sleep at 8pm these days and we have to go to bed at 9-9:30pm…. and if you do the math, that means that every weekday I get to spend all of 2 hours with my baby girl and 3 with my hubby. 3 hours. 3 hours to split between making dinner, playing with the little one, feeding her, visiting with my husband and a baby bedtime routine AND trying to feel some sense of relief now that my office day is over. My mom and mother in law have older kids and/or kids that are moved out and since they live nearby, they watch my baby doll during the work week.
    The fact that my MOTHER IN LAW spends more time with my child than I get to makes me feel nauseous and guilty and horrible, though I’m very grateful for their love and support so she doesn’t have to be in some random, uncaring, pricey daycare. I feel like I’m failing just because I’m working hard to pay the bills. Saving for a house is a losing battle; my husband’s car is about to die and we can’t afford another one that will actually be safe enough to transport the baby in at all. I think you are incredibly inspiring; you make me feel like there’s a future ahead where I won’t have to stress and feel like crying so often if I just work hard enough and keep my head on straight. Thank you for doing what you do for us -and believe me: Annabelle is incredibly lucky to have you both constantly loving on her and being around her all the time, so even though it might be hard for you, know that an hour or two every now and then for a meeting or to focus on the business will not hurt her at all and she’ll be happy to see you as soon as you’re done with no hard feelings. <3

    • -As a side note: I am only 19. My pregnancy, like yours, happened unexpectedly while we were excited to get married, so I had a baby bump in my wedding photos haha. I graduated with an associate’s degree at 18, so I may be young, but I’ve been shoved into the world of 25-year-olds while still a teenager by technicality and it’s so hard to feel like I’m losing a competition against people so much more ‘prepared’ than myself… oh well. Wouldn’t change my daughter’s arrival in our lives for the world.

      • Tammi says:

        I applaud you, Kirsten. That is a tough road, but you sound like you are very committed and have a supportive family. My husband’s parents were teenagers when they had him and they both managed to graduate college and build a good home and life for their family. It took a lot of sacrifices and a lot of time, but it all paid off. Keep going, girl, you can do it!

  34. Jennifer says:

    Thank you for this post! I started following your YouTube channel (and now reading your blog) while home on maternity leave about a year ago. I was home for 4 months and continued watching your channel when I went back to work and was pumping 3 times a day in my office. It made the time go by a little faster 😉 My baby girl is now 13 months and I struggle so much with balance, time and all the things I want to do. Before I had Charlotte, I would say “I am never staying home — I worked too hard in law school to give that up.” I still feel that way to a degree (about working really hard and not wanting to give up my career) but more than anything I wish I could be both without compromising either- somehow, someway. I know that I am not alone in the struggle but sometimes it feels that way. This post was a great reminder that I am not alone and that I don’t necessarily need all the answers right now. I look forward to reading more posts and following your journey.

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